THE ROLE FOSTER KIDS ARE FORCED TO PLAY

Everyone knows that fostering a child takes a healthy dose of courage as no one can predict that outcome. But does anyone ever sit and wonder what a foster child ever goes through? Whether a child moves from a Government Foster Care Institution or if their parents have re-married- the movement really affects the child/children emotionally.  

The emotional impact a child goes through when a foster care situation arises is considerable and people often ignore this aspect of foster care.

 When a family decides to foster a child what lies ahead can be both rewarding and a challenging experience as it can take a long time for a blended family to begin to feel comfortable and function well together.  However, how one chooses to handle the situation determines the outcome.

Abuse and Neglect

From 1993 through 2002 there were 107 recorded deaths due to the high rate of child abuse, emotional deprivation and physical neglect; with approximately 400,000 children in and out of foster care in the United States alone.  

In reality today, about half of all marriages end in divorce and three out of every four people who get divorced will marry again. This means millions of new stepfamilies are formed each year. Sometimes the transitions of new stepfamilies are pretty easy.  But many times, families have trouble adjusting to the new living arrangements, rules and relationships.

As is with the situation of Mary (not real name). Mary is a smart and cheerful 8-year-old whose Mother remarried after the death of her father Satish.  Her mother decided to try her hands at love once again but unfortunately for Mary only her mother found love and happiness for the second time.  

Mary is oftentimes forced to do all the chores in the home, look after her younger siblings (her mother had two other children from her present marriage), and defend herself almost every other night when her step father enters her room.

Asked why she has never reported the matter of sexual violence to anyone, Mary says “Mommy doesn’t believe me. No one will”. Abuse of foster children is nothing new, however, how such an act happens and why it happens is something society should take note of. There will always be moments in our history when silence will say more about us then any tongue or pen; but if we want to actually play a meaningful role in society  our actions which can make a change or even bring attention to the issues, remains critical.

For those who have remained silent on such issues the time has come for bolder actions- think about it, you can be the change in someone’s life. What lies ahead can be both rewarding and a challenging experience. 

Building any relationship can take time and effort by both the child and the parent. While being friends or building some amount of trust will not happen overnight, if the two have similar interest, and personalities there is a good chance for success.

Laying the foundation for any family is also an important factor and one which all must take into consideration. One must take into consideration the following;

• Too many changes at once can unsettle children.
• Don't expect to fall in love with your partner’s children overnight.
• Find ways to experience “real life” together.
• Make parenting changes before you marry. Don’t allow ultimatums.
• Insist on respect.
• Limit your expectations.

 “Some of my foster families used to send me to the movies to get me out of the house and there I’d sit all day and way into the night. Up in front, there with the screen so big, a little kid all alone, and I loved it. I loved anything that mved up there and I didn’t miss anything that happened and there was no popcorn either”- Marilyn Monroe

Some would look at this quote by a famous woman and just read it but if one is to look deep into the words, you would see the words of a scared little girl. One who at a tender age was all alone.  Can this have contributed to the downward spiral which Monroe’s life took?

Accepting the responsibility you agreed to and ensuring that you care for, mentor and love that child as your own is something every foster child dreams of.

Ill-treating a child because he/she might not be your own is never the answer.  In fact,  such actions might be the answer for the high rate of foster child run-aways. According to statistics from the National Runaway Safeline  for the US an average of 1.6 and 2.8 million youths run away in a year.

The survey also shows that 47 percent of runaway youths indicated conflict between them and their parents or guardian; 50 percent of youths in shelter and on the streets reported that their parents either told them to leave or knew they were leaving but didn’t care enough to stop them and 80 percent of runaway girls reported having been sexually or physically abused.

How can one get involved?

1)      Be a nurturing parent. Being a nurturing parent involves meeting basic physical needs as well as consistently seeking to meet your children’s emotional needs. Each child is different, as is each parent, so a nurturing relationship can take many forms.
2)      Help a friend, neighbor or relative. Everyone sometimes feels stressed, overworked and out of patience, but these kinds of emotions, if left unabated, can lead to regrettable parenting decisions. If you notice that a parent you know seems to be having a rough time, that’s a great cue that they may need a little break. Even small gestures can mean a lot and relieve a stressful parent.
3)      Help yourself and de-stress when necessary. If you find yourself being the one who is stressed out, then maybe it’s time to let a trusted friend or family member in to help on occasion.
4)      When your baby cries, be patient. When a baby won’t stop crying, it can be frustrating, heartbreaking and even defeating but be patient.
5)      Get involved. Tell other people about child abuse resources in your community and services like the Child Care and Protection Agency. 
6)      Help develop parenting resources. Are you a parent who feels like they have wisdom and experiences to share? Contact your local library and offer to help them develop parenting resources. 
7)      Promote programs in school. Help the schools in your community be the source of education about child abuse, not just math, English and science.
8)      Volunteer at a local child abuse prevention program. Another way to get involved in the fight against child abuse is to volunteer your time.
9)   Report suspected abuse or neglect. Last, but certainly not least, if you suspect abuse, report it. If you are being abused, don’t stay silent. Anyone can call the Child Care and Protection Agency 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at no cost, anonymously. Certified counselors are there to assist callers with deciding what the next step to take is.